WALT: Use show not tell in our writing. Our task was to write two paragraphs about a moment in time with the picture we have been given to write about. Next time I will add more detail.
The Man
As the frosty wind rattles the wooden hut the sound of branches brushing against the window. The man collapses with exhaustion and sends shivers down his spin. He lies with his back to the frosty cold wall then closes his eyes, and listens to the ecos making their way through the hut.
The man starts to tremble as the sound of raindrops cascading down the window pichs up more and more volume. Every raindrop that falls the more ecos making their way to the man. Suddenly the moon is revealed and shines through the window and onto the man revealing him.
Hi Amber.
ReplyDeleteI am Elias from Yaldhurst Model School.
This is a great story.
Was it easy to write?
Was it fun to write?
Kia Ora,
ReplyDeleteI love your story it is very descriptive and well written. Writing must be your strong point. How long did this take you to write?
Tino Pai Good job keep it up.
Isaac,YMS.
Hi Amber,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Kaedun and I go to St.Bernadette's school
I thought your story was really good. I could follow the sequence of the story and you used descriptive words to make the story more interesting. I look forward to reading more of your stories.